life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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