I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize