i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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