The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
