Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
