do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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