There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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