Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
