so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
