Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
