Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
