matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
