I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
