she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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