she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
