I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
