That's intense
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
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