apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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