I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
