you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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