i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
