This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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