yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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