:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I came so hard my ears popped.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
