Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
