I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
