end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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