last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
