Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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