it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
