I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
