I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
