So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
she smelled like a LAN party
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
