I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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