Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
