There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
