Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
