I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Randomize
