all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
