Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
God, I missed his penis.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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