I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
