i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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