Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
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