John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Randomize
