Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Vodka?
Forever.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize