My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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