is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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