I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Randomize
