can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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