Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
