and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
