I got chris browned last night
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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