I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
