I hate all girls vehemently.
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
