Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
