Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
