somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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