Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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