i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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