With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I'm having to shit out rocks
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
