i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
We had to coat check the pizza.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
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