Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
