The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
