I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
My balls are so social today.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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