My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
