Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Randomize
