Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
