My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
