you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I want to be your penis for a week.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize