Plan B is the new Plan A
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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