Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
