doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize