i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize