How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
